Meanwhile, there is a Pop Warner game between the Aspergillus species to determine exactly which one is infesting my head. It has gone far into overtime, and ye olde Masson-Fontana**** stain turned out to be useless. So we have to wait for the PCR***** results. Knowing the species will allow my ID docs to make a very precise choice as to the right treatment.****** However, I have really had enough waiting. I've been so restless, I almost went to the pharmacy and guzzled down all of their jock itch cream.
But, yesterday, even without the final diagnosis, Ski Buddy and IDSA Guy came up with a plan. On Monday, I'm going to start getting an IV antifungal medication call amphotericin!******* This means my second PICC line (long term IV) in less than a year! Yippee! Maybe they'll throw some kind of party for me down at interventional radiology when they put it in.
Amphotericin will hit any Aspergillus species good and hard. They'll check an MRI in about 2 weeks, and, if the giant head mushroom has gotten noticeably smaller, they'll start me on an oral med (assuming those slouches doing the PCR have finally turned in their homework). If it hasn't gotten smaller, it's more amphoterrible for a while. (Boooooo!)
So, making progress. Meanwhile, I feel fine. I have plenty of energy, and I'm going to work as usual. I am refraining from cage fighting, because I really worry about what this thing would do if someone hit my in the head.
And my dog has learned how to hover.
* K/BWE is such a spoilsport! She just pointed out that this game was decided on a very suspect call by the referee down in pathology. They just found a few little aspergillus cells with a lot of yeast (No, I am not shoving raw bread up my nose.). Yeast can't explain what is happening, and, since no one has come up with a cancer, Aspergillus is all they got. Maybe I'm about to get a whole bunch of nasty antifungal crud just to find out there was cancer in there after all. But that ruins the narrative. It would be as if the guy under the mask at the end of the Scooby Doo episode didn't turn out to be the first person they had met at the spooky amusement park. Just wrong.
** I'm not even going to speculate on what their mascot is. I imagine it's really gross. Ideas in the comment section are welcome.
*** I sincerely hope that doesn't happen for a very long time.
**** Don't ask. Just think of it as a nice Italian wine.
***** PCR is not to be confused with CCR (Creedence Clearwater Revival). Instead of an awesome band from the 1970s singing a mix of rock, blues, country, and Cajun music, PCR stands for Polymerase Chain Reaction. It is a process that can take a tiny bit of DNA and make zillions of copies so that we can analyze it. It's tons of fun. (Incidentally, John Fogerty had the polyps on his vocal cords removed, and now he sounds really vanilla.)
****** Yeah, I know they said voriconazole. I don't know where that went.
******* Known to many as 'amphoterrible' for its nasty side effects. Luckily, I will be getting a somewhat nicer preparation than the one that earned it that reputation.
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