Time to place your bets! What's inside Tom's head? Is it Pusworld or Tumorland! Place your bets!
Yessiree! I am off on yet another Tumoriffic (Puseriffic?) adventure! And no more ditzels on an MRI and deluded doctors diagnosing disastrous tumors that are just dead skull! Nope! This is the real thing, baby! Hold on to your seats!
Lemme 'splain. Last time I updated you on my health was January. I had started taking long term amoxicillin for my chronic skull infection. Everything was ducky. But, a month or two later, it started. I thought I had my usual facehole infection.* I had the usual 'feeling under the weather,' runny nose and bad breath.** This happens a few times a year and is not worth writing about.
Given the insane weirdness of my recent skull infections, I recently fired myself as my own doctor. I called my local ID specialist, Dan (no clever nickname yet), and he ordered a culture. It grew a bug called Stenotrophomonas maltophilia, known as 'Stenny,' to friends.*** I took 10 days of Bactrim and felt better. But that didn't last.
Over a couple of weeks, I began to find it difficult to breath through my nose, especially on the right side. One of the few advantages of having a facehole is that I rarely get a very stuffy nose, so this was odd. It was also disconcerting, because this is how the first chapter of this whole tumor saga started in 1981. Back then, a tumor blocked my right nostril. **** So, a little déjà vu.
So I called Hygeia, Goddess of Otolaryngology, and she ordered an MRI of my head. That took place two days ago. K and I then waited anxiously overnight. Yesterday, in the early afternoon, my cell phone rang. It was the physician's assistant from Hygeia's office. Hygeia was away, but the PA said that I had something suspicious, and I would need a biopsy—to say the least. It was the War and Peace of radiology reports.
The radiologist lovingly described every hidden detail of the strange thing that is my head. It's pretty ugly in there. Of course, there are all of the scars from dozens of surgeries. Then there are some old strokes. There are the remains of a small bleed in my brain I must have had at some point and never bothered to notice, and so on. But the new stuff is what's really exciting.
The area behind my nose (my poor, abused nasopharynx) has a mass in it. There is also proteinaceous goo (pus, I am sure). The mass extends into my brain case where it comes up against the side of my brain. It has also invaded the cavernous sinus and is wrapped around one of my carotid arteries. (The cavernous sinus is not a sinus of air like nasal sinuses, but of blood. It's really a huge vein that drains the brain.)***** I could go into more detail, but what I have said is gross and scary enough.
So, is it yet another cancer, or is it a giant zit inside my head? Or both? If it's a zit, I should be able to take a knitting needle, stick it up my nose, and pop it. (See? Told you this was going to be gross.)
Yet here I sit on a lovely Memorial Day weekend on Cape Cod hanging out with friends and family. My challenge for the day is to wear out the dog so much that she won't gnaw on everything in the house when we go out to dinner. I really feel fine except for the stuffy/runny nose and an annoying nasal voice.
PS: Mike Glickman, MD is a complete mensch. He is an infectious diseases expert at F'in' Famous Cancer Center (FFCC) in NYC. (Incidentally, we briefly knew each other as children.) I had sent messages to my FFCC docs last night as K drove us to Cape Cod. He called this morning to express concern and to find out if there was anything he could do. I will be seeing him next week some time.
* Where most people have sinuses, after all my surgeries, I now have one giant facehole under my right cheek.
** Also known as death breath. Interestingly, the phrase, 'death breath' originated in WWI as a name for mustard gas.
Shout out to Erin, my excellent medical assistant, who, without cringing, can tell me, "Dr. Tumor, I can smell your breath from here. Go rinse your nose." I either have to do that or hold my breath for entire patient visits.
*** Stenny is an up and coming bug we'll probably hear more about in the future. He likes to hang around in devices such as urinary catheters. He can cause things like urinary tract infections, and, if you happen to choke on said urinary catheter, pneumonias.
Stenny is a highly uncooperative bacterium, insensitive to nearly all antibiotics. In my case, he is sensitive to Bactrim, which is nice.
Disappointingly, Stenny is what is known as a nonfermentative bacterium, which means you can't make beer with him.
**** My First Tumor, a toy from Milton Bradley for ages 11-13.
***** The cavernous sinus/carotid artery part is what really scares me. Anybody can have a tumor/infection crawling around the inside of their skull. But the cavernous sinus? Around the
carotids? How am I still alive???
Given the insane weirdness of my recent skull infections, I recently fired myself as my own doctor. I called my local ID specialist, Dan (no clever nickname yet), and he ordered a culture. It grew a bug called Stenotrophomonas maltophilia, known as 'Stenny,' to friends.*** I took 10 days of Bactrim and felt better. But that didn't last.
Over a couple of weeks, I began to find it difficult to breath through my nose, especially on the right side. One of the few advantages of having a facehole is that I rarely get a very stuffy nose, so this was odd. It was also disconcerting, because this is how the first chapter of this whole tumor saga started in 1981. Back then, a tumor blocked my right nostril. **** So, a little déjà vu.
So I called Hygeia, Goddess of Otolaryngology, and she ordered an MRI of my head. That took place two days ago. K and I then waited anxiously overnight. Yesterday, in the early afternoon, my cell phone rang. It was the physician's assistant from Hygeia's office. Hygeia was away, but the PA said that I had something suspicious, and I would need a biopsy—to say the least. It was the War and Peace of radiology reports.
The radiologist lovingly described every hidden detail of the strange thing that is my head. It's pretty ugly in there. Of course, there are all of the scars from dozens of surgeries. Then there are some old strokes. There are the remains of a small bleed in my brain I must have had at some point and never bothered to notice, and so on. But the new stuff is what's really exciting.
The area behind my nose (my poor, abused nasopharynx) has a mass in it. There is also proteinaceous goo (pus, I am sure). The mass extends into my brain case where it comes up against the side of my brain. It has also invaded the cavernous sinus and is wrapped around one of my carotid arteries. (The cavernous sinus is not a sinus of air like nasal sinuses, but of blood. It's really a huge vein that drains the brain.)***** I could go into more detail, but what I have said is gross and scary enough.
So, is it yet another cancer, or is it a giant zit inside my head? Or both? If it's a zit, I should be able to take a knitting needle, stick it up my nose, and pop it. (See? Told you this was going to be gross.)
Yet here I sit on a lovely Memorial Day weekend on Cape Cod hanging out with friends and family. My challenge for the day is to wear out the dog so much that she won't gnaw on everything in the house when we go out to dinner. I really feel fine except for the stuffy/runny nose and an annoying nasal voice.
PS: Mike Glickman, MD is a complete mensch. He is an infectious diseases expert at F'in' Famous Cancer Center (FFCC) in NYC. (Incidentally, we briefly knew each other as children.) I had sent messages to my FFCC docs last night as K drove us to Cape Cod. He called this morning to express concern and to find out if there was anything he could do. I will be seeing him next week some time.
* Where most people have sinuses, after all my surgeries, I now have one giant facehole under my right cheek.
** Also known as death breath. Interestingly, the phrase, 'death breath' originated in WWI as a name for mustard gas.
Shout out to Erin, my excellent medical assistant, who, without cringing, can tell me, "Dr. Tumor, I can smell your breath from here. Go rinse your nose." I either have to do that or hold my breath for entire patient visits.
*** Stenny is an up and coming bug we'll probably hear more about in the future. He likes to hang around in devices such as urinary catheters. He can cause things like urinary tract infections, and, if you happen to choke on said urinary catheter, pneumonias.
Stenny is a highly uncooperative bacterium, insensitive to nearly all antibiotics. In my case, he is sensitive to Bactrim, which is nice.
Disappointingly, Stenny is what is known as a nonfermentative bacterium, which means you can't make beer with him.
**** My First Tumor, a toy from Milton Bradley for ages 11-13.
***** The cavernous sinus/carotid artery part is what really scares me. Anybody can have a tumor/infection crawling around the inside of their skull. But the cavernous sinus? Around the
carotids? How am I still alive???
Something scary is growing inside my head.
Good luck, dear Tommy. Lots of love, Dana and Val
ReplyDeleteDammit, Tom! This has to stop! It makes me sad but at least distracts me from my anti-Trump rants. Praying for a good outcome...the only acceptable outcome!
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with you, brother, and I'm hoping, selfishly, that if this latest misadventure brings you down to NYC, at least I'll get to see you.
ReplyDeleteYIKES!!!!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the Cape! :)