Well, off to the races again! I sit now in a train travelling south to the Big Fruit. I do love trains. I don’t love surgeries. You might think I did from the number I have had. This will be the 16th or 17th, depending on how you count. That’s more than Michael Jackson had on his entire face.
Last week, in preparation for tomorrow’s surgery, I went
down to F’in’ Famous Cancer Center for a CT scan. You would think the surgeon would be
satisfied with the nice MRI I brought him from up north, but, no. He wanted his own CT scan, so I came down and
got it. K/BWE and I just looked at the
results. It’s pretty much a rerun of
what they saw on the MRI, but it’s still exciting. Once again, I have to ask, how in helicopter
am I still alive? How the Schmidt am I
not at least a blind, blithering, wall-eyed, slobbering half-vegetable in a
wheelchair? It’s crawled into
everything. It’s cozying up to my brain. It’s cuddling with the muscles that control
my right eye. It’s groping my inner
right ear, and yet I still hear as well (or badly) as ever. I have a little headache, which may just as
easily be stress*, but I drove to work, did a good job, and did not soil my
underpants even once. I can talk, I can
walk, I can sing, I can dance.**
Am I overreacting? I’m sure there are lots of people with huge, unidentified
groping objects*** rubbing against their brains, and it doesn’t bother
them. I can’t help it though. This thing gives me the creeps. It looks very malignant, although the first
biopsy says it wasn’t, but whatever it is, it’s big and scary and does not
belong there.
And so, tomorrow morning, Dr. Nariz will take out a few more
samples while trying to not pop my dura mater, the balloon that encloses my
brain. Is it cancer (still a possibility
that part of it is)? Is it a crazy big
benign tumor (which is still a problem)?
Is it bacterial?**** Is it
fungal?**** Is it the earthly remains of
Jimmy Hoffa? Only pathology or
microbiology will tell.
Next update will be postop!
Be well,
Tom
*Hmmph. Stress. I
really need to lighten up.
** That part’s a lie.
I never could dance. Not even
Rachel Settlage could teach me to dance.
***UGOs
****If it is bacterial or fungal, it could be a whole new organism resistant to all antimicrobials (antibiotics and antifungals), which would be good. I could get it named after me, and I could probably get them to make me first author on any articles they publish. It would be an unusual way to advance a career, but I’ve hear stranger.
This Stellar sea lion thinks it's just the world's largest booger.
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