Tumoriffic Tom's, and His Parents', and K/BWE's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Didya ever have one of those days?  Ya know, the kind of day when you go down to New York for a consult with an ENT cancer surgeon, Dr. Nariz, and he takes a giant pair of forceps that are like 2 feet long, and he yanks a pea-sized piece of tumor out your nose, making a giant 'SPLOING' sound like a rubber band?*  And when he's virtually sure that ya got a tumor, not just an infection?  And when it looks like there is no way a surgeon is going to be able to take it all out unless you want him to take off your whole head?  (Believe me.  I thought about it.)  Yeah, that kind of day.

And, on such a day, don'tya hate it when you get to the airport, the TSA decides that the salt for the nasal lavages you have to do is suspicious and searches your bag and then does the equivalent of a colonoscopy on you?**  And doesn't it totally suck when it's one of those days when your 9pm flight home gets delayed until at least 11:36pm (and counting)?

And on such a day, you find that, at each of the airport gates, they have installed several really nifty-looking iPads that invite you to order food and wine, and you think it may be past time for a glass of wine, but, because it is such a day, the credit card slot next to the iPad doesn't work?  And, meanwhile, the two guys sitting on one side of you are watching something really skeevy on the internet and talking about it loudly, and the toddler across the room is having a meltdown?  And the old man sitting next to you (on the other side) is making love to his tonic and gin, and that's really gross if you think about it?  And the interior decor at the airport is just atrocious?  And they're playing the Eagles' Greatest Hits on the PA?  And you think that guy sitting across from you might be Anthony Weiner?  Don'tya just hate that kind of day?

And, sitting there, all sexy with tissues shoved up your nose so the biopsy site doesn't drip on your clothes, all you can find to do to work out your frustrations is to pump out another Tumoriffic piece?

Don'tya hate it when you have a day like that?  I know I do.

Be well,

Tom


PS:  It could have been much worse.  I was accompanied by my amazing wife K/BWE, and my sweet parents for moral support, and we got to hang out with one of my very best friends, and she fed us home-cooked Indian food.  Her apartment is right across the street from F'in' Famous Cancer Center, because she has my kind of luck, so she's being treated there for the second cancer she has developed since her kidney transplant.  We understand each other.

And this is not the end.  In a week or two, once the tumor has been soaked in a special blend of herbs and spices, I will have the diagnosis.  It is the beginning of another adventure.  Whatever it is, every tumor has a silver lining.



*That's the sound the tumor makes, not the surgeon.

**Actually, the colonoscopy part was a lie.  The TSA officer was quite nice.  She was very interested to learn about nasal lavage, since her son has bad allergies.

He doesn't like those days either.